Quote of the Day (2012-01-31)

I have a vewwy gweat fwend in Wome called Biggus Dickus.

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2012-01-30)

Homer: "To start, press any key." Where's the "Any" key?

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2012-01-27)

Captain John Sheridan: Are you trying to cheer me up?

Susan Ivanova: No sir, wouldn't dream of it.

Captain John Sheridan: Good, I hate being cheered up.

Susan Ivanova: In that case we're all going to die slow, agonizing deaths.

Captain John Sheridan: Thank you, I feel so much better now.

Source: Babylon 5

Quote of the Day (2012-01-26)

Russ Cargill: Mr. President, you chose me, Russ Cargill, most successful man in America, to head the EPA, the least successful organization. That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.

[spreads the files on the President's desk]

Russ Cargill: Each one will cause untold misery and...

President Schwarzenegger: [points to File #3] I pick Number Three!

Russ Cargill: Really? You don't want to read them first?

President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*. Number Three!

Source: The Simpsons Movie

Quote of the Day (2012-01-25)

Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2012-01-24)

[Bart is faking illness to get out of a test he hasn't prepared for]

Bart: Ohhhh, my ovaries.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2012-01-23)

Larry Lipton: There is nothing wrong with you a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.

Source: Manhattan Murder Mystery

Quote of the Day (2012-01-22)

Vizzini: I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.

Westley: You're that smart?

Vizzini: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?

Westley: Yes.

Vizzini: Morons.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2012-01-21)

"I usually last about ten minutes on the stairmaster. Unless, of course, there's someone stretching in front of me in a leotard, then I can go an hour. That's why they call it the stairmaster. You get up there and you stare."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-01-20)

That's very reassuring from a marketing major at a party school.

Source: Modern Family

Quote of the Day (2012-01-19)

I've had worse.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2012-01-18)

Homer: [Bart has offended Lisa, and he's surprised she's visibly angry at him after saying that nothing is wrong between them] Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong. When a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong. And when a woman says that something *isn't* funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2012-01-17)

Once had love, and it was a gas.

Soon found out it was a pain in the ass.

Source: Blondie

Quote of the Day (2012-01-16)

Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!

[they all stab themselves]

Suicide Squad Leader: That showed 'em, huh?

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2012-01-15)

Jerry: "You know how the big toe is the captain of the toes, but sometimes the toe next to the big toe gets so big that there's a power struggle and the second toe assumes control of the foot."

George: "The coup de toe!"

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-01-14)

Jim Hacker: "Fortunately Bernard, most of our journalists are so incompetent that they have the gravest difficulty in finding out that today is Wednesday."

Bernard Woolley: "It's actually Thursday, Minister."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2012-01-13)

"You know, it is so sad. All your knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-01-12)

It's only a flesh wound.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2012-01-11)

Sir Arnold: "But once they have accepted the principle that senior civil servants could be removed for incompetence, that would be the thin end of the wedge. We could loose dozens of our chaps, hundreds perhaps."

Sir Humphrey: "Thousands..."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2012-01-10)

Sir Humphrey: "It must be hard for a political adviser to understand this, but I'm merely a civil servant. I simply do as I am instructed by my master."

Jim Hacker: "What happens when a Minister is a woman, what'll you call her?"

Sir Humphrey: "Yes, that is rather interesting. We sought an answer to that point when I was Principal Private Secretary and Dr. Edith Summerskill - as she then was - was appointed Minister in 1947. I didn't quite like to refer to her as my mistress."

Jim Hacker: "What was the answer?"

Sir Humphrey: "Oh, we're still waiting for it."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2012-01-09)

Kid #3: My Mommy says smoking kills.

Nick Naylor: Oh, is your Mommy a doctor?

Kid #3: No.

Nick Naylor: A scientific researcher of some kind?

Kid #3: No.

Nick Naylor: Well then she's hardly a credible expert, is she?

Source: Thank You For Smoking

Quote of the Day (2012-01-08)

"I love that bathroom. It's got that high-high toilet. I feel like a gargoyle perched on the ledge of a building."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-01-07)

"It's smart. It's a smart line, and a smart crowd will appreciate it. And I'm not going to dumb it down for some bonehead mass audience!"

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-01-06)

You are now firing a gun at your imaginary friend, near 400 pounds of nitroglycerin!

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2012-01-05)

I'll have what she's having.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2012-01-04)

Westley: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?

Inigo Montoya: Let me 'splain.

[pause]

Inigo Montoya: No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry' Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen.

Westley: That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying.

Fezzik: You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful.

Westley: I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?

Inigo Montoya: There is but one working castle gate, and... and it is guarded by 60 men.

Westley: And our assets?

Inigo Montoya: Your brains, Fezzik's strength, my steel.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2012-01-03)

Mr. Ross: "It's a terrible tragedy when parents outlive their children."

George: "Yes, I agree. I hope my parents go long before I do."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-01-02)

Are you suggesting coconuts are migratory?

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2012-01-01)

Bart: The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.

Source: The Simpsons